What Should I Do if My Partner Isn’t Being Supportive?

If I want to be supported, I need to be supportive first. But what do you do when your partner isn’t showing up for you? It can be frustrating and even hurtful to feel like the only one putting in any effort. In this post, we’ll talk about how to tell if your partner isn’t being supportive and how to best address it with them.

Photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash

Express your frustration at a neutral time.

When you bring up your frustration, express why you are frustrated. For example, “I’m frustrated because we haven’t discussed how our finances will work during our separation period.”

If your partner is unwilling to engage in a conversation, it may be time to seek outside help.

Ask for specific examples of unsupportive behavior.

• Don’t assume you know what’s going on.
• Don’t blame the other person for your feelings or why you feel that way. For example, do not say, “You made me feel this way.” Instead, say, “I felt this way when _____ happened because _____” (for example: “I felt insecure when you didn’t make eye contact with me while we were talking.”) This will help keep the focus on what happened rather than how it made them feel about themselves as a person or partner in a relationship.